The One That Wasn’t
What do we do when inspiration falls short and the day doesn’t “rise up to meet us”?
Can flexibility coexist with commitment?
ADVENTURE ART CLUB | DAY 10 | 9.10
HOME FOR THE DAY
MISSOULA, MT
I struggle to juggle the “all or nothing” discipline of committing to a long-term project and the flexibility that’s required to listen and respond to my Self, my heart, and my body. How do you know if you’re heeding what you need in the moment and adjusting accordingly or just dropping the ball on a commitment you’ve made that’s important? I struggle to “let myself off the hook” once I’ve committed to something. If I don’t follow through with perfection, I feel like a failure.
“Thirty sketches in thirty days through the lens of adventure and active rest” is how I defined September’s project in writing, art, embodiment, and sharing, but on this day that small voice of intuition that tells me what I need and where I should head to seems nonexistent.
Today, I have absolutely no other commitment to plan around, and yet, I’m struggling to determine where I’d like to adventure, big or small. Oddly enough, when I have more time to invest, without prior planning, I struggle. Where do I go? What do I do? Do I want rest or activity? How should I fill this abundance of time??
On these days, I end up doing neither.
I do not commit to deep rest.
I do not commit to work harder.
Instead, I drift along this tenuous line between work and rest, accomplishing nothing. I hate days like this. The blah gray nothingness weighs on me heavily and sets the crow thoughts that caw in my heart chattering loudly through the stillness. Insecurities blossom. Thoughts become plates set to spinning, precarious. Eventually, this process leads to a pinpoint: I guess I’ll try again tomorrow.
To that end, today’s drawing is different - no nature scene to depict here. Instead, intuitively and late in the evening, I set pencil to paper, and this is what grew there:
A body firm and inflexible, trapped between rocks and hard places, desperately frozen in place. A message of hope comes to mind to contrast the image: “Keep Trying”. There’s always tomorrow. More versions of self to bring forward. Moods that change. Levels to rise through.
Eventually, we get where we’re going, if we never turn back on the journey.
Keep going.
Keep trying.
Adventure will find you, further along. Don’t give up yet.
Love & Gratitude,
- Christina
